Yup.  You read that right.  

There can be joy when life stinks.

Have you ever experienced something that made you say to yourself, “I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy?”

Did you know that you can be entrenched in circumstances THAT lousy… and still choose joy?

Here’s the bonus: Even if your situation doesn’t change, your joy will change your perspective, and give you reasons to get out of bed in the morning.

I’d like to teach you a simple mindset shift that can begin adding joy to your life today.

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So, a friend once said to me, “I know that I can have a perfect life, because I see yours on Facebook.”

I was stunned into temporary silence before I set her straight. 

Smiling or not, everyone has problems!

Let me tell you, since then, I have started sharing a few of my struggles with the world.

I don’t want to contribute to the false reality that life can be perfect for anyone.

So, the big question for today is…

When life stinks, what will you do about it:

Rely on happiness, or choose joy?

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Wait.

They aren’t the same?

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THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HAPPINESS AND JOY

Trust me, this is a distinction worth making. 

It’s one that can improve your mindset – and your life – in a hurry. 

Happiness and joy have similarities. 

They are both very positive and make us feel great.

We love feeling the rush of optimism surge through our veins, whether it’s from happiness or joy. 

Q: So who cares about the difference?

A: People who want to live richly fulfilling lives even when their circumstances aren’t great.

As I see it, happiness and joy are very different!

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Happiness is dependent on something going your way

It’s circumstantial.  When life is good, we feel good.

Happiness is “if/then” thinking:

“If my paycheck is deposited today, then I’ll be happy.”

While it feels awesome in the moment (money, yay!), happiness can’t last, because circumstances change.

What happens when:

• the money runs out?
• the clothes don’t fit?
• the diagnosis isn’t what you’d hoped?

When life’s difficulties find you, relying on happiness to feel good is to be chasing what is not.

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Joy is a deeper inner effervescence that will be there, regardless

It might be below the surface, or way down below the rubble, but it’s there.

Joy can be a choice when life stinks. We can choose it when the money is gone.

It can be our go-to when the natural disaster strikes, the meds aren’t working, and somehow, even when hatred seems to rule the day.

Joy is “I have” thinking:

“I have gratitude for kindness in someone’s eyes, even when I don’t have the opportunities I deserve.”

When our circumstances stink, choosing joy is celebrating what IS.

What brings YOU joy?

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These joys – and many others not on the list – are NOT largely dependent on circumstances. 

Should a hurricane sweep in and wipe out all of the things that made us happy, the good news is, our sources of joy will remain.

The bottom line:  While happiness and joy both make us feel great, if you want to be resilient and have joy when life stinks, you have to intentionally put effort into developing joys.  They’ll be there to serve you well. 

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REAL EXAMPLES FROM AN IMPERFECT, JOYFUL LIFE

I am a life coach who helps people live more joyfully but joy isn’t my natural reaction every time.

It’s important to know that no one is joyful 24/7.

There are times when joy must be a choice.

Understanding this – and choosing joy when life stinks – changes everything. 

I’d like to share a couple of situations that I didn’t love.

The circumstances weren’t great.  But choosing joy made a difference. 

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The phone call

On a recent spring day, I received a phone call. Within minutes, I learned that 15 people I had the privilege of knowing became COVID-19 statistics. 

They didn’t just contract it, they died.

Fifteen wonderful, life-loving people who didn’t deserve to get sick were gone.

Joy was not at all a natural reaction.  To be honest, it was the farthest thing from my mind. 

I was in shock, wondering how it could be possible, feeling like it was so unfair, and angry as heck that it happened in the first place. 

My heart was overcome with heaviness. My head felt like it would explode.

I couldn’t form sentences or think about anything clearly. The weight made breathing seem wrong.

All I could do was cry, pray, blow my nose, and repeat.

In fairness to myself, I didn’t try to rush through my grief to get back to a more upbeat mindset.  I respected the importance of feeling whatever was authentic.

But when the time did come to take steps forward, I needed help.

I went to my joy list.  It’s in the bathroom so I am sure to see it.

Thankfully I had taken the time to fill it out. 

I went right down the list. 

The improvement in my mindset wasn’t immediate, but eventually the choices that helped me feel more like my joyful self were:

• reading the Psalms, meditating on my “Jesus Calling” daily devotional and reminding myself that I believe God does not change even when everything else seems to,
• connecting in spite of quarantine & isolation by mailing handwritten letters to several people I love,
• and releasing anger through movement – walking for miles and hitting our punching bag with all I had.

It would have been easier to stay entrenched in the reality of the situation, but the effort to change my perspective was worth it. 

The circumstances didn’t change, but I felt more like me.

Choosing joy worked! 

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The second story began a year ago and ended this week

We have two very active, healthy young adult kids.  Last summer, through routine bloodwork, doctors learned that our son’s kidney function needed to be investigated further. 

It was out of the blue, but he was strong and fit, and feeling great, so we weren’t worried. As we drove to the appointment, singing along to the music, I remember thinking, “they won’t find anything.”

I was wrong.

Through months of ultrasounds, MRIs, and nuclear scans in 4 cities, it was discovered that one kidney was doing most of the work, because something wasn’t right with the other one.  

An exploratory procedure determined that there was backup into the kidney which was decreasing its function. 

During the procedure, I found the hospital chapel, opened the Bible to Psalm 139, read the words “I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made,” and cried on the pages.

I believed, but I didn’t understand.

Surgery would be scheduled later to stop the disease progression before he lost the kidney altogether. 

A few months later, we got the news we really didn’t expect.

Just before surgery, a fresh nuclear scan revealed it was too late.

The kidney couldn’t be saved.

Any caring person can relate:  I would give my left arm, left kidney or left existence to make my kids’ lives better.  But there was nothing I could do. 

The helplessness I felt was tremendous.

Thankfully, so was the decision to choose joy. 

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Our son had surgery to remove the kidney three days ago.

He is recovering well!  It will take time, but we are so thankful for the progress he has already made.

Throughout the last year, joy was found in choosing to be grateful for:

• Routine tests that caught all of this in the first place.
• Access to fantastic health care that insurance pays for.
• The way that God gives us two kidneys and people somehow live long and healthy lives with one.  This is what the doctors expect for our son.
• An adopted grandparent who recommended his own kidney transplant surgeon. This surgeon referred us to the head of urology at a nationally-known hospital, who operated robotically on our son. 
• The fact that people were smart enough to figure out how to make all of those medical tests and procedures even possible. 
• The many (MANY!) great conversations on our way to all those appointments.  Facing the big stuff opens the door to some major heart-to-hearts and I know and understand our son so much better as a result.  Plus we enjoyed some great Thai food.
• The way that God heals us at the cellular level.  I’ll never understand how the miracle of healing is possible.  The day after surgery, our son was in pain on the couch downstairs, not wanting to move.  We had to stop watching his loopy post-op videos because laughter was too much movement for him. Two days later, he took a shower and joined us in another part of the house, casually playing guitar.  I know a miracle when I see one!
• Supportive, loving community that was praying for our son and checking in on him, and us. So many people were with us from the start. We were never alone.
• Our faith.  We don’t have to know all of the answers.  We can be thankful to know the One who does.

That kidney is a goner, but there is no pity party at the Shear house.  There is gratitude, and there is joy.

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CAN IT REALLY BE THAT SIMPLE?

Life isn’t perfect for anyone.

Do yourself a favor before you go to sleep tonight.

Dig deep and begin to write a list of the things that bring you joy. 

What makes your heart sing that can’t be taken away? 

That.  Put that on your list.

Then, remember to make time for things that bring you happiness AND things that bring you joy.

And, in tough times, rely on your joy list when you don’t feel like you.

You will be thankful you made the choice! 

The bottom line:  We CAN choose joy when life stinks!

😂 And just for fun, there’s one more thing… scroll down. ⬇

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PS: It’s ok if you can’t figure out what brings joy or find the time to make it happen.  I get it, and that’s why I developed joy coaching.  If you’d like someone to help you put the pieces together, click here to schedule a free 30-minute Breakthrough Session and let’s get you on the path to a more joyful life.

Until next time…