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Random questions I have been wondering since returning from the grocery store today:

Does going to the store make anyone else’s heart feel like it is beating in a swamp?

Will shopping ever feel normal again?

Why am I so affected by a simple trip to buy food?

Was it:

• pulling up and noticing the huge line outside?
• the strange realization that everyone was wearing masks this time?
• the vibe I felt coming from other shoppers?
• or the fact that I couldn’t get 1/3 of the stuff on my list?  Am I that spoiled?

Would it be better to order online and send someone else to pick it up until things are back to normal?

How long will the coronavirus be the boss of me?

Can I still go and enjoy seeing people but do something to protect my heart?

Do I need to start a grocery shopping support group?

Is this how front line/essential workers feel on the job? 

Do I need to pray for these folks even more? (YES!)

I was excited to go shopping.  I love people.  People were guaranteed to be there.

And it wasn’t like I had a negative experience.  There were no fights over anything: It was 9:00 am and the TP was already gone. 

Other than a couple of seemingly-clueless older gentlemen plowing through my invisible 6-foot bubble (mine is purple and sparkly, what color is yours?), everything was fine.

But any trip to a place with people is a reminder that things aren’t fine. 

Things aren’t normal.

It left me wondering if things will ever be normal again.

And… when this is over, what will normal feel like?

I’ll be honest, I was frustrated with myself. 

I am an adult. I should be able to get what we need from the store and function just fine.

But, I am a feeler.  The fact is, there was much to be felt.  So yeah, of course I’m going to feel it.

I could judge myself for getting caught in another predictable emotional trap.

But self-judgment would keep me in the trap and freedom is the thing I crave the most.

Instead, I am going to remind myself that feelings aren’t bad.  I’ll give myself the same grace I encourage others to give themselves.  Grace feels so much better than judgment.

I remembered back to my last blog post about breaking up with a bad attitude (click here for part 1) and followed my own advice to:

1. find the word that describes my feelings  – “abnormal” –  and,
2. share my feelings with someone safe (my two young adult kids).

This helped.  Thank God!

And then I remembered that I promised a part 2 of that blog topic. 

Perfect timing, since I am again in need of advice, and maybe you are, too.

So, here are 3 more things that can help us feel more like, well… US:

3. REMEMBER THAT IT WILL END 

(1 & 2 were in the last post, try and keep up)!

If you don’t believe that your painful feelings will end, look back.

Stop and think about the last time you were down, what the circumstances were, and how you felt.

For real.

Ok, now compare that to how you are feeling in this moment.

Are they the same?

For most, difficult feelings do not last.

Can we just pause and take a collective breath and give thanks for this reality? 

Things change.

In the moment, when our emotions seem massive and consuming, we need to remind ourselves that things will change. 

Be sure to offer up the proof.  Provide memories for the win.

It got better before.  It will get better again.  Count on it.

Hope is good stuff. 

Have hope that no matter how cruddy you feel, this too, shall pass.

Just don’t hope to find that quote in the Bible, because apparently it was made up by medieval Persian poets.

Thank you, Wikipedia, knower of all things. 

4. REACH OUT TO OTHERS WHO MAY BE FEELING THE SAME WAY

Oh, friend, of course you’re not alone.  Do not for one second believe everyone else is ok with this.  I don’t care what their social media posts say about all of the fun they are having. They are just as up and down as we are.

Here’s the thing.  The reason our attitudes have taken a hit in the first place is because:

• We cannot have the freedom we long for. 
• Things are out of our control.
• And we are grieving, whether we recognize that fact or not.

Can you think of people in your circle who may be feeling this way? 

My guess is, you can go down your contact list and find out real quick.  When you land on the right name, you’ll know, because they will ask how you knew they needed someone to talk to.

Be their someone.

Encourage them to share.

It will be good for both of you. Misery loves company.  

Fun fact: That super upbeat phrase is also a song performed by 5 different bands.

Now we’ll all be ready to go out and smash bar trivia when the quarantine ends!

Back to our regularly scheduled programming before we were so rudely blog-bombed by the random things I look up while writing.

Here’s another question: Can you think of populations who may be feeling the same way you do?

When I consider groups of people who might feel pain from choice and control being removed, these folks came to mind:

• residents of senior living facilities, who must change their lifestyle and rely on friends, family, and staff more than they would like,
• families of the military & first responders (always), and (now) front-line essential workers, who want their person safe at home but instead support their important work,
• and anyone anywhere who is incarcerated.  Talk about freedom being gone. These folks don’t need our criticism, they need our support.

What groups come to mind for you?

What action can you take today to reach out and lighten the loads on both of your hearts?

5. DO SOMETHING SPONTANEOUS

Have you ever noticed what happens when you are in an emotional tailspin and someone asks you a random question? 

For example, you are crying your eyes out and someone asks if you took out the trash.

Whether or not that person is heartless isn’t the issue here, but what matters is what happened to your emotional state.

My guess is, it was broken.

The goal in breaking your emotional state is not to deny your feelings.  This could cause all kinds of problems (isolation, addiction, obesity, being out of touch emotionally with others, the list is long).  It’s good to learn to sit with even our toughest feelings so eventually they’ll soften and lose power over us. 

The goal in breaking your emotional state is to give you a much-needed breather from your emotions, which can change your perspective.

If you don’t have an insensitive friend who will ask an ill-timed question about the trash, just do something spontaneous.  It has the same effect.

When going to the grocery store or watching the news or talking to your all-things-coronavirus-obsessed relatives is bringing you down, what spontaneous thing can break your emotional state so you can come back later and look at it from a more rational mindset?

Can you:

You get the idea! 

When you are struggling emotionally, just do something completely unrelated and let the shift give you an emotional break. 

In time, you’ll revisit your situation, but you will have the added benefit of being able to look at it with less emotional attachment and more ability to think clearly.

If you like the idea of learning to live more spontaneously, grab a girlfriend and join me for a conversation about it at a women’s conference in the fall!  Tickets are available here.

Thank you for making it all the way through this crazy post that started with grocery shopping blues and ended with a squirrel picnic table.

Even I didn’t see that coming.

Being able to share our struggles and successes is truly a blessing.  It’s one of the perks of being human. I am glad you were here for this two-part series and I hope you found it helpful.  Being honest with you was helpful to me!

Based on the flood of email feedback I received from the first post, this was a necessary conversation. There is goodness in being authentic, even when things are getting to us.

Remember, the goal is never to have a perfect day every day.

It’s to:

• recognize when we are emotionally over our heads,
• learn what we can,
• and choose to make changes so that we will eventually get back on track. 

Our attitudes are like boomerangs. Whatever we cast out will pick up speed and come back for us.  Break up with the bad ones before they hurt you or the people you love.

Instead, let me encourage you to choose joy!